landlocked blues

i wonder if i'll ever fall in love. i know i'm a mere 20 and i have a lot of life to live, but honestly...i'm just not sure. maybe i will be the cat lady. i just need to learn how to open up and be vulnerable, but i'm not really down with that. people get hurt all the time, and i'm really not interested in being that fool.

lastnight i offically realized really how resistant i am...not that i would ever fall for this person, but even when people try to hug me i get all tense and just want them to get away from me. it's really abnormal actually. i'm a mess.

not only that, but i just don't ever feel good enough. i try so, so, so hard. i want to be the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest. i guess i will have to settle for average...but that's just not good enough. not for me.

time will tell.

until then...it's almost thanksgiving. i'm thankful for so much. i'm lucky.

i need to stop this pity party and start a dance party.

ddr here i come.