merry go round

"Yes I love him. More than anything in this world and there is nothing I would like better to hold onto him forever. But I know its not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this." -Unknown

We broke up...yet again. I spent the last couple of months driving my self crazy trying to hold on to him...way too tightly. He wasn't necessarily treating me right and I continued to put up with it. I think I cried every single day about something. Was part of it me being overdramatic? Yes. Was he being an asshole? That too. I once again put all my feelings out there and he got mad. Emotionally I couldn't do it anymore.

He will be gone (home periodically) the next six months and I think its good we take at least a break. We are still talking and I saw him this weekend, but its hard. I know he will be the one to move on first. I mean, I don't exactly have the fellas scratching at my door. When he does it will hurt, but I'm preparing. He needs time to be single and make mistakes, he says he hates being single, but his actions say he certainly isn't ready for the same type of relationship I am.

We are in two different places and there really aren't any hard feelings. I think we will stay friends. The whole "exes can't be friends" thing is bs. People have that so engraved in their minds that it becomes a self full-fulling prophecy.

I've changed a lot since September. In both good ways and bad. I know what its like be in love and I know what heartbreak feels like. Heartbreak certainly isn't fun, that's for sure. There are so many things I've become accoustomed too. Silly little things, like a text every night and morning. It was nice to know that someone was thinking about me when he woke up and before he went to bed. I don't get those anymore...well not as much. Soon he will be doing that with another girl and I will be alone.

I know I'm having a pity party. I just miss him and I. I also have to realize that if we are really, truly, meant to be (which I'm not so sure about), we will come back to eachother...even if we do date other people.

All I can hope for is that we both end up happy and that we never hate each other. Oddly enough we are the same in that way. I truly believe that no matter what we will look back on our relationship, smile, and continue to be special to each other.