the history books forgot about us.

So I'm here in Portland. I have been for almost a month. I absolutely love it. I kind of wish I had more friends, but hopefully that will all fall into place. I'm learning a lot about myself. It's really good, I'm glad I made this decision. I still need to find a job though...really bad.

I think one of the reasons I came here wasn't the best, but in the end I'm glad that I moved. Maybe he wasn't all bad for me. haha. Moving away doesn't help you forget people, at all. I met a boy, who is a great friend now, but it made me sad that I refuse to let myself make connections with people. Romantic connections anyway.

I kiss people and 9 times out of 10 I don't feel anything. There isn't any emotion. Even when I sleep with people, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I mean I enjoy of course, but the emotional connection is not there for me. In fact after I sleep with people, I don't want to see them again. One night stands work great, it just kind of sucks sometimes. I want to love and I want to be loved, but I won't let myself.

Oh well right? Someday it will happen.

I need to go study, I can't get a 4.0 if I'm writing a pointless blog can I?